My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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