tonight lets celebrate not being married
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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