Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
