I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
