I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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