no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
