from now on my penis is your penis
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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