My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
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