My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
