Moan for me like Helen Keller
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
