I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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