I showed him my bush... on skype.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
