you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Found the puke drawer
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
