this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
