I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
