I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
