wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
