don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
