why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
