i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
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I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
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If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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