I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
