Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
