i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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