Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
A+ Viking dick
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