she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
