she woke up with a sticky ear
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
