i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The uberlube is also flammable
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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