Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
