3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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