I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
