I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
17 year olds will be the death of me.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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