..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
