Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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