Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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