I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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