No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
