I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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