I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
