I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
