real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
