puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
