Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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