If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
