I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I wear drunk well.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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