those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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