This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
