I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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