we have officially lost it.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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