high people should be assigned attendants
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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