before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
