i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
