i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
