I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
