We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We have so much sex to catch up on
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
