I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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