Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
