Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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