I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
