phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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