She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
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Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
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If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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