Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
