you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I cut my penus on the lid.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
