I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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