$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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