I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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