I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
