oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just threw up on my dentist
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize