Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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