he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
