I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
