Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
