Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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