Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
