I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
