You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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