meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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