Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
